Mr. Stress is Coming

Seriously , can't put my feelings into words right now ,
first of all it was all the relationships stuffs ,
disappointments after hopes were escalated ,
(still waiting however)
but now education issue is adding to the stress I'm having ,

*sighs*
kind of jealous of my friends ,
some to matriculation , some to universities , some to assasi ,
some with SPA's , some are not even in Sabah now ..
me ? still in this humble town Beaufort ..
i'm not saying pre-U ain't good ,
it's just that when people see me ,
questions like "where are you studying now?" swarms me ,
and yes , with every answers i give ,
there would always be that face , that face ,
clearly saying "oh my god why are you in form 6 ??" ,
some would even give me that face of disappointments ..

i'm hoping people , grownups especially , would stop judging ,
saying form 6 is the worst choice i could possibly made ,
rejecting matriculation the second worst ..
it's stressing me out ,
cause you see , rejecting matriculation was not i repeat was NOT my choice at all ..
i wanted to give it a try ,
for once i might had the chance to live life independently ,

but no despite saying all that ,
i'm not regretting being here (pre-U) ,
it's just that , i don't know , stressing me out ..?
with all the assumptions , judgements ..
people hear me , it HURTS ..
you guys might say it is all a form of disagreement of the choices made ,
but do please , think before talking ,
you don't even know what i'm going through ..
:'(

saying all this i'm already crying ,
it had been a rough time for me since the past few weeks ,
i didn't finish my chores well at home ,
i can't pay attention during lectures ,
and what's worst i cried every night , sometimes out of nowhere ,
i just cried ..

praying this would all end one day ..
can't stand it all anymore .. :'(