Feeling numb , not feeling anything at all ..

Earlier , i text-ed him ..
i needed someone to talk to , coz it's painful holding everything inside ,
but really i didn't expect countering rejection ..

i'd see this coming , i knew one day he'll tell me this ,
i prepared myself for that ,
but still it kills my mood instantly ,
but no i didn't cry , i felt like crying , but i didn't ..
felt numb inside , i'm not even sure what i feel ..

maybe , just maybe i'm someway relieved ,
to finally hear answers from him , instead of making my own assumptions ..
at least now , my mind won't go wandering off wondering about this , him , us ..
it lightens the burden i'm carrying now ..

*sighs*
honestly i'm tired of all these ,
don't even remember the last time i laugh ..

mister C ,
i'm grateful you finally replied to my text ,
i'm happy we're finally talking again ,
i'm glad you finally gave me your answers ,
i'm glad , that this isn't the end of our friendship ..

to myself ,
i'm sorry for being too vulnerable ,
i'm sorry for letting myself believe in promises easily ,
i'm sorry for getting my hopes too high ,
i'm sorry for always being the one waiting and eventually ends up getting hurt ,
i'm sorry i don't have the guts to face my problems ,
i'm sorry for letting myself easily hurt by words , assumptions and judgements ,
i'm sorry for crying too much till today there weren't any tears to be shed anymore ,
i'm sorry for all the heartbreak i caused ..