When Expectations Goes Too Far

Honestly , I don't even know how to start . Story made short , we broke up two days ago (13th February) . How do I feel ? Sesungguhnya , saya kecewa sangat-sangat . Huu , tapi besala , breakup mana yg tdak mengecewakan kan . Saya nak nangis pun hm tidak juga terkeluar air mata saya macam empangan pecah dalam drama-drama tu , ada pun kejap ja , pastu jadi moody smacam .

At school , I tried to forget bout the heartbreak , tried to act cool la katakan . Tapi ntala , mangkali nampak sangat lain dia di mata kawan saya , hm but the more they ask 'what's wrong ?' , the harder it gets for me to hold my tears . Dalam dua ari ne , adala masa dia saya ternangis kat skola , in front of my friends . Awu tah , sakitnyaa hati , taip sampai sini saja pun da mula rasa sebak .

Andai benar dia dah tidak punya perasaan sayang itu , jadi napa dulu beriya sangat bawa kapel , bagi semua janji-janji manis tu . Hm , law tak sayang kan bagus berterus terang dari awal . It would save me a lot from all these tears and heartbreaks . For almost two months i waited , sabar dengan perubahan dia yang t'tiba dingin semacam , jujurnya saya selalu menunggu , always I wait for his text , everynight . Kamu , ne cam ada dejavuu ja sama ex saya dulu , I always end up crying myself to bed , tapi kamu tak tahu kan . Tiap kali saya text , jarang kamu reply , bila reply mesti kata busy , tapi facebook sentiasa b'update , saya diam menahan hati , diam-diam saya menangis , ini pun kamu tidak tahu kan . Hm . Do you even have the slightest idea of how much you'd hurt me ? Even your breakup line is painful to read .

But saying all this , I'm not saying that this is all your wrongs , in a relationship , especially a failed one , both have their mistakes . I admit I expect a little too much from this relationship . Kita pisah , jujurnya saya tak benci , saya tak salahkan kamu . Hm , biarla kita pisah cara baik , takda gaduh-gaduh , takda perasaan membenci itu .

There's only this one problem , difficulties in letting go . I said I cried at school , that's because I was reminded of him , all the nice things he'd done , all the sweet things he said , and all of that promises . Hmm , kawan kata kena ubah perasaan sayang itu jadi benci baru senang nak lupakan , tapi serius , saya tak dapat la . Saya sayang dia , mungkin da tak s'dalam dulu , tapi saya masi sayang .

I could only hope I could get back on track soon enough , I know it may take a while to understand the true beauty of just letting go . Tuhan tolong jagakan dia yang kini nun jauh di sana , moga kesihatan dan pelajaran dia terpelihara . I'm thankful for all the memories , the sweet ones may be the reason for my tears today but in the future I'll be smiling because of 'em , the bad ones , well that's what makes me stronger , just gonna take it all in .

Cukup sampai sini la rasanya , there's a one in a hundred chance that you'll read this post , so when you do , I hope you understand what I'm feeling inside , saya nak kamu tahu saya da tak mengharapkan apa-apa daripada kamu , da ketara sangat kita ne teda chemistry kan . :' )
K baiklah , goodnight , God bless .