When Expectations Goes Too Far

Honestly , I don't even know how to start . Story made short , we broke up two days ago (13th February) . How do I feel ? Sesungguhnya , saya kecewa sangat-sangat . Huu , tapi besala , breakup mana yg tdak mengecewakan kan . Saya nak nangis pun hm tidak juga terkeluar air mata saya macam empangan pecah dalam drama-drama tu , ada pun kejap ja , pastu jadi moody smacam .

At school , I tried to forget bout the heartbreak , tried to act cool la katakan . Tapi ntala , mangkali nampak sangat lain dia di mata kawan saya , hm but the more they ask 'what's wrong ?' , the harder it gets for me to hold my tears . Dalam dua ari ne , adala masa dia saya ternangis kat skola , in front of my friends . Awu tah , sakitnyaa hati , taip sampai sini saja pun da mula rasa sebak .

Andai benar dia dah tidak punya perasaan sayang itu , jadi napa dulu beriya sangat bawa kapel , bagi semua janji-janji manis tu . Hm , law tak sayang kan bagus berterus terang dari awal . It would save me a lot from all these tears and heartbreaks . For almost two months i waited , sabar dengan perubahan dia yang t'tiba dingin semacam , jujurnya saya selalu menunggu , always I wait for his text , everynight . Kamu , ne cam ada dejavuu ja sama ex saya dulu , I always end up crying myself to bed , tapi kamu tak tahu kan . Tiap kali saya text , jarang kamu reply , bila reply mesti kata busy , tapi facebook sentiasa b'update , saya diam menahan hati , diam-diam saya menangis , ini pun kamu tidak tahu kan . Hm . Do you even have the slightest idea of how much you'd hurt me ? Even your breakup line is painful to read .

But saying all this , I'm not saying that this is all your wrongs , in a relationship , especially a failed one , both have their mistakes . I admit I expect a little too much from this relationship . Kita pisah , jujurnya saya tak benci , saya tak salahkan kamu . Hm , biarla kita pisah cara baik , takda gaduh-gaduh , takda perasaan membenci itu .

There's only this one problem , difficulties in letting go . I said I cried at school , that's because I was reminded of him , all the nice things he'd done , all the sweet things he said , and all of that promises . Hmm , kawan kata kena ubah perasaan sayang itu jadi benci baru senang nak lupakan , tapi serius , saya tak dapat la . Saya sayang dia , mungkin da tak s'dalam dulu , tapi saya masi sayang .

I could only hope I could get back on track soon enough , I know it may take a while to understand the true beauty of just letting go . Tuhan tolong jagakan dia yang kini nun jauh di sana , moga kesihatan dan pelajaran dia terpelihara . I'm thankful for all the memories , the sweet ones may be the reason for my tears today but in the future I'll be smiling because of 'em , the bad ones , well that's what makes me stronger , just gonna take it all in .

Cukup sampai sini la rasanya , there's a one in a hundred chance that you'll read this post , so when you do , I hope you understand what I'm feeling inside , saya nak kamu tahu saya da tak mengharapkan apa-apa daripada kamu , da ketara sangat kita ne teda chemistry kan . :' )
K baiklah , goodnight , God bless .

Chinese New Year

Gong Xi , Happy Chinese New Year ~ :)

First day today , my house was seriously crowded , he . Yes open-house were held , but visitors coming were decreasing by the year . Hm , what's most disappointing , the chinese tradition to have a family reunion dinner on chinese new year eve , didn't happened this year . Jujurnya , saya terkejut sangat bila mumy share khabar yang popo sama family cousin saya yang satu ini tidak kan datang dinner sama-sama tu . Dorang cadang masing-masing sahaja makan . Hm , sedih sangat . Previous years weren't like this , we all gathered together , dine together . I'm really curious about this drastic change .

This morning , i was hoping they would come , because even though they didn't come for dinner together last night , they should at least come on the big day right . Tapi , sekali lagi saya kecewa , they didn't show up . *sighs*

Hm , tapi takpala , mangkali ada yang menjadi halangan . I could only hope that this won't happen again next year .

I present you , my lovely family . My parents plus my two brothers . (picture taken this morning) :)
My dad , we don't talk often , we basically only talk about work and school and other serious topics .
My mum , always over protective , over sensitive , kadang-kadang mulut memang power gila laser .
My two brothers , we play , we argue , we fight , we joke around , we did almost everything what normal siblings usually does . But , i love them just the way they are , saya sayang insan-insan ini sangat-sangat , ketat-ketat . May we will always stick as one perfect family . Amen . :)

Alright that's a wrap . Goodnight and Sweetdreams . God Bless the Believers . :)

Not so Sugar-Sweet after all

Who would have thought that this 'dream boy' I've been waiting for would actually be the reason of all the tears shed . Yes I'm smiling , but inside i swear it's killing me . I remember back then where we used to talk just about anything anytime , hmm i really miss him , the old him . "People change , feelings fade. " :')

Chinese New Year is a week away , serius sakit satu badan la weii , cleaning the house dua orang saja sama mumy .  hm tapi takpala , esok gonna self-reward myself , tomorrow nak p kk shopping . hee , new cloths , new shoes , hee excited sua ne . Ah and also new hair , he . Kelmarin da p curl then dye g , merah ba , luckily Pre-U students ne ada longgar sket rules dia . he .

Baiklah , kali ne sampai sini jela , exhausted da . Bengkel kepimpinan at school tadi dari pagi sampai petang , petang blik ruma sambung lagi kemas rumah , sapu ne sapu tu , buang ini simpan itu , total house make-over la katakan . Oya surprisingly my mom told me she could managed the whole house herself when I was still a toddler , kagum jugala , saya ne , ada lagi malas-malas buat kerja .*deep sigh* , homework pun suda dibiarkan melambak , my study tuk minggu ne bbtul da terabai gara-gara mau kasi bersih rumah ne . *another deep sigh*

Alright , Goodnight . Sleep tight and Sweet dreams , dear sana take care , jangan sbab saya da lama tak text trus lupakan sya , he . bbaik study .




God protect all the people I love , bless the people who never stop believing . <3