Do proceed on reading. :)

So wait my last post was posted last year? Obviously I'm not really into blogging these days. But do check out my twitter if you're missing out, hah! Joke ? :)

If I could I would post and share everything that happened throughout the first three months this year. But I find not every event are worth remembering and sharing.

Lately due to much novel reading (english novels). I started writing actually, it started as only a short story but somehow you can say I'm inspired by the novels I read so that simple short story somehow became longer and longer and hmm you get my point, writting actually fasinates me, new hobby uncovered! Maybe I'll post it here someday, well maybe I said . 

What else, there's last month, for the first in twenty years, I bought a surprise birthday cake for both my mom and dad. Surprise that I said first? Ha-ha, sad but true, their previous birthday are always celebrated moderately, simple dining, family movie with ice creams and that's all. But I wanted it different this year, so... Surprise!! Hope you love it because I love you both so very much.

Le cake, moist chocolate because apparently nothing is more appealing and delicious-looking than chocolate. :)

God Bless these wonderful pair.

Shiny faces, hahaa .

"Enough pictures let's eat" 

Ah yes me and my mum took a lot of selfies, and these are just some of them.

me and my mum look nothing alike.

sorry but you are so cute and beautiful I can't help but post these pics.

This year mum turned 44 y/o and my dad 52. Honestly I don't know why it took me so long to realize what their existence by my side worth, how the years are wasted. It upsets me, that night seeing their faces light up after another busy day, seeing their smiles broadens upon seeing the cake, it was amidst the time everyone was busy savoring the cake, it was then I notice. Those fine lines in their faces deepened, their skin all pitted and wrinkled, hair that lost it's youth. Especially my dad, I never noticed how his eye bags are getting bigger, I always remember him as the energetic dedicated man, waking up at six every morning and comes home late every night, every day. I hadn't notice how time has taken its toll on both of them.

It hurts me, it hurts me to see him to work all day. It bothers me, does he have time to rest during midday? does he have enough sleep time? The same goes to my mum, with expanding business we are to struggle more to keep it going. Every day I watched these two work and never had I seen them laze off. It upsets me how I couldn't be much of help, I wanted them to take it slow, take a day off or so. But that is not yet something for me to decide, money don't fall from trees, me and my brothers are still leeching off of them, practically speaking. Volunteering in any house chores, any errands, taking care of the shop, no complaints no talking back, is for the least I thought is all I could do to help lighten those weight on their shoulders. I'm going to focus and strive for the better in my studies thus hopefully securing a promising job. I realize many of my actions, my ignorance, my words in the past had hurt them so, so I hope I'm given the chance to make it up. I'm sorry for all the hurts and disappointments.

Everything I do in the future, will be because of you. I love you both so very much.

Alright, so this also happened last month, pity I didn't have the chance to take pictures or video-tapped it. It was last last Sunday, the day where I openly declare to my family, to confirm the suspicions that my family had for a long time, that me and Uncu a.k.a Richard are apparently dating, for almost four months. Why I did that? I must've hit my head too hard or too hype at the moment, not a mistake but not a good timing.

However the reactions and responses I received from everyone is priceless. It was first intended to cheer my nanny up, she being sick was always gloomy, no appetite on every dish served, so like a little girl falling in love for the first time I said "nek, nek, cucu nenek ada boyfriend suda ni" in a joking manner. With that said aunt number one instantly lifted her head from her food and gave me the "I wanna know more" stare, while my nanny is still in her silent state waiting to hear the name of her possible, possible grandson-in-law, possible because yeah we're not married, duhh. Short and simple, I said "si Uncu" , then there came the first uproar, no I'm not exaggerating with the word 'uproar', my first aunt to hear this went crazy, repeatedly exclaiming "ah? ah?? ahh???". My nanny at the moment was already all smiles hearing his name.

Okay wait the fun and excitement doesn't stop there, then came le second aunt, coming in the dining room for a glass of water, but just as my first aunt broke the news, she went silent (like for ten seconds maybe), with eyes wide and jaw dropped staring at me (no words from me), and behold the second uproar. She suddenly started shrieking, and jumping and shrieking and jumping all around, it was soon enough her happy virus caught on everyone, I too was jumping and screaming with her,with the shriek like a teenage girl upon seeing star celebrity like Johnny Deep or Leonardo right in her face. I really didn't expect that one, but the atmosphere in the room instantly light up. The two of them started teasing me (mimicking the voice of Sebastian from the Disney movie little mermaid), absolutely hilarious.

But that's not the end, then came my uncle, who is curious with all the screams and all, his sisters broke the news, his response is pretty much what I expected, a simple look from head to toe and then came that mocking grin that says "little michelle is all grown up oh". Okay funny part, then his wife followed, into the kitchen to see what the commotions are about, again my aunts told the story (they seem to be more excited than I am). It was cute how she didn't caught on first, just a blank stare at me, then when she finally did, all her face mimic and hand gestures are all very adorable to me. Again the next uproar, asking questions like when we started, who initiated first and all that. My nanny only smiled and laughed seeing us. God I really miss that short moment. I am pretty sure the conversations never ended in that room, they are probably busy chatting about it in their Whatsap group chat.

It was clear that all my families are very supportive of him (heck they made us be), they all known him for a very long time, probably since he was a kid, so they thought we'd be a perfect match. Pfft, frankly speaking they're the ones pairing me and him together ALL the time when he's around. But the fact that he actually did ask me out shock me. But I said my aye so no turning back. I'm happy that this relationship is accepted by both families, but how far we could go only depends on both of us really.

Honestly, him ignoring my texts all day, then occasionally replies saying "I love you so much" then disappearing again (I'm not sure if it's really work or is it something else) is not a good progress. He used to be sweet with all the attentions he showers me, but just as I decided to give in, he stopped fighting, conversations were getting rare, calls are no longer often. I still remember how we used to chat all day, day to night, how we used to cling on our cell phones till the crack of dawn, everything was nice and sweet then. I felt appreciated, but see just as I started to give him my trust, everything started to change. Ah did I mention during that period there's someone else, hoping for a second chance.

For weeks I cried, cried because he hurt me, cried because I couldn't be patient enough to wait another week longer, cried because everything is happening all at the same time, just like two years ago. But screw that, I grew tired, neither of them gave me a feeling of security anymore, it could be me with the trust issues but who's to blame. So step by step I set things straight, clear all the suspicions. The truth hurt us both, but I'll live through. It's just tiring to pretend to be okay when you're not, so tired that I chose to let go, of the one I hold most dear in my heart, I once love him and I still love him, but our timing was always wrong.

But milks are spilled, no good comes with crying. I'll just let time shows who and what is best for me, God has His plan and I believe in Him. Everything happens for a reason, and I lay my full trust in Him.

For the time being, I'll just endure it a little longer, and see where it'll take me. I chose to give the one I'm with a chance, though things weren't as pretty as they used to. But you can't always have your expectations too high can't you.

That's all for today's entry (or maybe this year), ha-ha. It's hard to continue blogging when everything I share here are too personal, stories I told here, nobody knows of it, they just see me as the stress-free girl. I express myself better through blogging, all the words all the inside voices came alive here (so spare me the judgement).

God Bless You and Happy Easter everyone.
Much love, from me . :)