Monday, 9 May 2016

Broken

I woke up with a jolt, startled awake by mum’s loud knock at my door.

“Get the fuck up you lazy ass!”

Followed by another series of irritating rapped on the door.

I fling my arms over my tear-sodden face and shouted back.
“I’m up!” followed by a whispered “bitch” under my breath, and I choked on my own words.

She gave a loud grunt and I heard inaudible comments from behind the door.

I sat up, so quickly that my eyes spin for a few seconds. But I ignored them, I just sat there at the edge of my bed, with my hands on my thighs, with nothing but my extra large t-shirt and panty on, I just sat. And for a few good long moments, my head was actually empty, I’m not thinking or picturing or hoping or fantasizing anything, my mind was blank, pitch black. I zoned out.

Suddenly, I was startled by a sudden contact, it wasn’t human touch, I looked down at the back of my hands, placed on my lap, two perfectly round droplets lay on top off them – I’ve been crying. And with the realization of it, two streaks of fresh tears cascade down my cheeks, to my chin, to the back of my hand, breaking the perfect circle droplets of tears on my hand.

I wipe my face angrily with the heel of hand, choking back my sobs. I stood and dragged my body to the dressing table, I stared back at the red-rimmed puffy eyes that are looking at me. I didn’t bother combing my bed-ridden hair, I pulled and tied everything into a bun. I checked back at my reflection, I touched my cheeks, sticky and wet from tears. And my eyes, once beautiful round double-eyelid eyes now look like something that comes out from a failed eye surgery.

I grunted and muffled my sobs simultaneously as I pulled the oversize t-shirt over my head. And again I stood before my mirror. The girl in the mirror looked so frail, so weak, and so sick I don’t even recognize her.  I sighed and sighed and sighed from the sight of the broken girl in front of me. And again I felt that familiar feel of tears welling up. I stood and glared at the mirror, I opt for deep breathing to calm myself. For a few sets of breathing, the welling stopped. I turned to my cupboard, pulled on a sports bra a cup too small for my growing breast, and pull on a large black sweater, I rummaged around for my jeans, but decided against it, instead I just slid on the knee length pants I bought few weeks ago. I checked myself at the mirror once more for a few good seconds before I muttered “ugly bitch” at the girl in the mirror, but the girl just stared back with those bloated unanimated empty eyes. I breathed a deep sigh and head out of my room.


A Night Drive Home

That night after dinner together Killen and Sean had made plans to go watch a late night movie at Sean’s place, it had been months since they last met. But Marie was not interested in joining the boys, who would’ve like a girl company in the middle of a boys-late-night-movies out, she insisted on going home, so Killen is driving her home. That’s the situation.

Killen was so focused on driving he didn’t seem to notice that Sean beside him had pulled his seat back a little, making it available for him to reach Killen’s younger sister Marie. Killen’s car is a sport car, so well you can imagine that there is not much space between the front and back.
Marie sat at the middle at the back because her long legs made it uncomfortable to sit either behind Killen or Sean’s seat. The three of them made small talk along the night drive through town. Sean had been stroking Marie’s knees and shins occasionally throughout their conversations, but Marie took no notice as she thought of the stroking as nothing else, too naïve to read Sean true intention building up inside him.

Sean is close with both of them, they’d known each for years. So never did Marie expect the worst from Sean.

Along the way Sean kept pleading Marie to join them to his place, stroking as doing so. Marie thought the stroking was part of the pleading so went with it, allowing it, but of course she didn’t give in with the pleading, crashing in a single guy’s house in the middle of the night was never a good idea, even if there is Killen with her.  

A couple of blocks away from her house, Marie almost yelped as she felt hands running down her thighs to her middle. Sean suddenly got bold, instead of stroking her knees and shins, he’s reaching back to her thighs, and with little effort made his way to her groin. It was too sudden and Marie shot a worried glance toward Killen, who seems not to even notice, damn even the music was too loud. Eager hands rubbing her private part snap her back, she held both her hands down on Sean’s arm stopping him, mouthing him “what the hell you think you’re doing”.

It was dark in the car, only lighted by the pale glow of street lights, but in that slight lightning in the car, she could see it, Sean’s face was grinning, looking at her, it was not his usual warm smile, it was more like a sly devilish grin, she saw that slight glint in his eyes, and it made her shuddered – scared.

Marie pushed his hands away, not even allowing Sean to touch her knees now. But Sean became more aggressive pushing her knees apart with his elbow, shoving his hand to her private part, she resisted silently, not wanting the situation caught by Killen, but Sean was strong, too strong for her to resist, she clap her knees tight together only to be jerk open with his muscular arms, and it was only his right arm working. She couldn’t even shift her seat to Killen’s or Sean’s back as their seats were blocking her knees, Sean’s elbow is painfully pinning her left knee to the side of his Seat. And during the whole situation he was casually talking to Killen, facing the road now as his right arm, like has a mind on its own reached behind to touch her. Marie got more frantic, hoping Killen would reach home faster, she wanted it to stop, she felt hopeless against Sean. It was weird how Killen couldn’t catch her frantic tone speaking now.

A whole minute felt like an hour to Marie, but finally Killen pulled up in front of their house.
“Hey, I gotta get my stuff, I think I’d better just crash at your place tonight. You okay with that?” Killen asked as he unfastened his seatbelt, at the back Marie was already frantic and she pushed her brother’s seat vigorously to shove him out of the car. Another down side about Killen’s car is it’s a two-door car, Marie needed Killen to fold his seat up for her to get out of the car. Obviously Sean wouldn’t let her get out from his side of the car, her only hope of escape is through Killen’s.

“Sure take your time, I want to have a little chat with Marie here” Sean said as Killen got out of the car. His arm stopping her from folding the seat, Marie tried calling after Killen but Killen had already gone into the house. Sean arms were blocking her, and now that they’re both alone in the car, it frightened her more, she was trapped and hopeless at the back.

The moment Killen disappeared into the house, Sean suddenly lunged towards her, now both his arms are working, his left arm pushed her back to the backseat at her chest so fast and hard that it knock her breath out of her lungs, groping painfully at her breast as he did so, while his right arm again jerk her knees apart, this time stronger till pain seared in, his hand shoving to her middle, cupping her forcefully against her jeans. Marie couldn’t resist, Sean’s hands were painfully heavy on her, she couldn’t believe Sean is doing this. Pinning her down painfully, groping her, pinching her.

“Sean why are you doing this, stop this please. You’re not like this, the Sean I knew won’t do this to me” Marie pleaded in a low voice while trying to hold down Sean arm, which was pointless. 
“Just for a bit, you’ll enjoy it, trust me.” Sean whispered the words so soft Marie could barely hear them. “Let me suck your tits.” Sean suddenly said followed by another sly grin, shock and fear strikes Marie and she resisted harder, folding herself to half, bringing her face to her knees. But Sean, always stronger, he wrapped his bulky left arm around her waist and yanked her closer, his right hand simultaneously push her shoulder back to the leather seat again, in a quick move, his right hand yanked her collar down revealing her black-laced bra, he yanked the bra as well, revealing her bare breast.

“Noo!” Marie let out a silent scream as she tried to put her face between her knees again, pulling her knees to her chest in a simultaneous action,  but Sean’s left arm was still at her waist, with his elbows he pinned her legs to the floor and he jerked her forward a little and in a swift motion he dove to her, his mouth caught her bare breast, Marie gasped in disgust and tried pushing Sean away, it felt like pushing a huge boulder of rock, Sean didn’t budge a bit, Marie lean back into her seat but Sean followed, not leaving her body, sucking and biting with lust. Marie let out a groan when Sean left hand cup her groin again, kneading and rubbing forcefully, Sean was half on top of her and she is helplessly pleading and pushing, she pushed harder, pleading him to stop, but that only turn him on, it became more aggressive, more urgent. His mouth suck harder that it was starting to hurt her. Sean tried to go through her jeans, unbuckle her belt, but she wiggled and moved so hard Sean gave up and went down rubbing her down again.

And suddenly she felt cold air on her bare breast, Sean had removed his head, her bare skin was immediately covered with Sean hand again, pinning her back to her seat as he sat up straight,  groping her hard even before she could pull her collar up. He kneaded and pinched her breast and nipple, folding herself to half didn’t stop him, every motion became more urgent the harder she resist. Silent tears were already blurring her visions.

And just suddenly, Sean jerked both his hand away from Marie. When she looked up, Killen was at front door holding his one-night bag in one hand and his favorite sneaker in the other. Quickly she pulled her collar up and folds the seat up as Killen opened the car door.

“What are you still doing here? You’re not coming with us.” Killen stated coldly clearly unaware of what just happened. Marie got out of the car without a word and disappeared into the house, holding back her sobs. Minutes later she heard the sound of Killen’s car engine disappearing into the night.

Like nothing ever happened, everything was just as normal the next day. But it will never be the same for Marie. She was once molested and almost raped when she hardly even know about sex, leaving her nightmares with grown big men on top of her, and now at twenty she was again molested by a friend she trusted. It stricken her hard, but she could never come to tell. It is the nature of Marie, always keeping everything to herself, and she was taken advantage of because of it, the same way fourteen years ago.


Friday, 19 December 2014

Be nice, seriously.


If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.
My mom never said this, but it is considered as common sense, no ?

These things happen so often I see it everywhere, even from someone close to me. Like recently a girl is suffering from a sudden horrid acne breakout all over her face, instead of helping her to cure this, you commented negatively on her face, exclaimed "what happened to your face??" or something like "your face looks terrible!" Like oh my God you! I'm pretty sure she knows better than anybody else how bad her skin condition is, do you have to pinpoint it out EVERY  freaking time you see her? I hope you're proud because you succeeded in smashing all her self-esteem to pieces, now she's staying at home not wanting to go out, never wanting to socialize with people anymore.

Another situation where a girl bought a blouse she really liked and decided to wear it to a family gathering, again, you oh you who seems to never be able to comment something nice, remarked her outfit as ugly saying "you look like a clown in that, it's ugly". Should I go on? What's worse saying this in front of everybody else? Embarrassing her? Look she might be smiling and laughing at your remark but do know that is all out of respect, I mean you can't expect her to speak up, with you being the so-called grownup.

Wait there's another, the most common negative remark people give, the matter of one's physique. The fat and obese usually. So a girl had a slight yo-yo effect after her intense workout plus diet plan, slight I said, and you the oh-so-always-perfect, besides never noticing and complimenting her when she actually lost 20 pounds, but you noticed instantly when she gained back a bit? "You look sooo fat" and later laughing at your own remark. I'm impressed how she can hold it and laughed with it. But do know you, again those kinds of comments are the most destructive ones to a girl, some may be strong to take it as a challenge, but in this world, not everyone is strong, positive and optimistic. You never call a girl fat, even if you're joking. Remarks like that means scars forever.

What comes out of your mouth is never nice, nor was it ever morally, spirit building. You made faces when your peers commented about you, yet why are you so comfortable doing the same? I really can't stand people like you. I despise people like you, I pity those frail hearts hurt by you. May God bless you and may one day you'll be able to see those ugly side of you that you kept pinpointing out on others.